Legendary designer Marc Hemeon joins us and offers a very honest and personal look into his experience of attempting to balance startups and family. Marc has been in the startup/tech game since the 90’s including stints at YouTube, Google’s self driving car project, and most recently founding Design Inc. As a father of 3 and having a marriage of 17 years, he’s seen the ups and downs and offers some very very practical advice. It was refreshing to hear him speak so bluntly on the work that it takes to guard your family and your marriage while doing work you care about.
Last word of advice
Drink water, I think genuinely most people are just dehydrated….
Show notes (time stamps approximate)
3:20 working from your heart, Painting
4:50 most people just want to be a boss, not work from their heart
6:10 “working from your heart puts you in opposition to your partner”
6:40 “the only reasons people get divorced is because of sex or money”
7:50 Sometimes i wish i had pushed the brakes…
8:25 Big fans of date night
8:50 Margret stewart https://twitter.com/mags
10:20 Tactic: Sending a note to important people that he is working with telling them to respect his schedule and work with him as he works to make time for his family.
11:25 People quit jobs because of resentment and resentment builds up when people don’t meet your expectations. (Marisa Myer quote)
12:00 People surprised by Marc when he sets boundaries to spend time with is family as if they didn’t know that it was possible.
13:10 “people with families need different working styles, they just do” because sometimes you need to tend to things like surgery for your kids
14:00 “you gotta be ok with potentially losing your job”
15:30 being intimate with my wife on FaceTime is not the same as being intimate in real time (on traveling for work and being away from family)
16:25 there is some guy listening to this saying “Hemeon is an idiot” I got this, I got Gary Vaynerchuk style energy…good for you man, I don’t want to fight you but just take your spouse’s needs and put them in your heart.
17:30 Marc on Elon Musk and doing things that are advancing humanity. If you’re Elon Musk you gotta do the Elon Musk work. And there are not many people like that.
20:20 calculating the years left while his kids are at home in terms of summers and winters and maximizing the time they have left with the children at home.
21:27 its about quantity time with his children, talking about “whatever” and enjoying the time together
21:45 grew up in Vienna VA oldest of 7 kids. Dad’s own gas stations and mom is an artist. Both parents working hard when he was a kid left him on his own in many ways.
23:15 growing up back East without an allowance and without entitlement led him to a greater appreciation for hard work and things he has.
23:50 the reason I work hard is perhaps to fill the void of the lack of relationship I had with my father
24:15 men in general need to kill their fathers, figuratively. To figure out what it means to define yourself as an individual and severing that dependency or that need for approval.
25:00 there is the thing inside of me that wants to create something that I didn’t have when I was a kid, a closer family then I had growing up.
25:45 its not terrible to be driven by your ego for a while but its just not going to make you happy
26:30 on making good money and not being happy
27:45 for a lot of folks maybe its not a must to have a family, thats ok
28:00 happiness is earned. its not just walking off into the sunset, you gotta sacrifice for your spouse and earn it
29:10 there is no separation between work and life, there is just not. My kids can look up all the stuff that I have done, talks I have given and what I worked on. What kids of legacy do I want to leave?
30:20 to the newly married dude or the guy about to marry his daughter: do you have life insurance? what is your relationship with money? how did your parents use it? What is your plan for the money? Have you talked about the dirt? What are your values? Example, do you want kids? Are you religious? You need to have a shared value system?
32:30having a designated time to spend together and time to go on a date night.
33:00 we spent a lot of time trying to teach each other. Have since learned “Staying on our side of the street” not telling the other “how to drive”.
33:30 planning is simple but huge, blocking out time
34:30 connecting with other guys that are husbands and fathers to talk about life and things. You need a forum to get stuff out and have conversations not inside your family.
35:50 being really really open with what you need
36:20 busyness is a defense mechanism to avoid talking
36:40 figuring out what you need everyday from your spouse and ask them for it and be willing to meet your spouse’s daily needs
40:00 kids care less about the things that you give them and more about the experiences that you create with them
40:20 we prioritize each other over our kids, putting each other first
40:40 its super easy to get divorced. People say “oh we fell out of love” yeah you probably did but go on back in there an get back in love
41:20 you tend to attract people with the same size void that you have
42:00 you become the people you hang out with the most often
42:50 last closing statement ….
Last piece of advice is “drink water”. Most people are honestly just dehydrated.
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Source: 2 Cent Dad